When it comes to being friends with your ex girlfriend, at first everything seems like a great idea. You get to still see her, talk to her, send emails back and forth... maybe even hang out a little. Sure you're not officially "dating" anymore, but eventually you'll get her back. I mean, just being around her is a great way of staying in her mind... and if you can keep doing sweet things for her she'll certainly come around. In no time at all, the two of you will be going back out again. Right?
Uh, not so fast.
There is some definite good news when it comes to staying friendly with a girl you still love, but there's a lot of bad news too.
The worst thing to realize, right off the bat, is that being friends with an ex is the fastest way to lose them for good. If you've got plans to one day go out with this girl again, you can't just pull up a chair and hang out in the Friend Zone for the next few weeks, months, or even years. The further removed you become from the romantic relationship you once had, the less she's going to see you as a potential mate. This means that in time, you become so hopeless enmeshed in being a friend that your ex never even considers dating you again. Friendship is the worst way to get back an ex girlfriend.
As if that weren't bad enough, establishing a friendship with your ex girlfriend will lead to an avalanche of jealousy - on both sides. First, how do you think you'll handle it when your ex starts dating someone else? Will you be angry and bitter? Will you trash this guy in front of her? Or will you act like a happy friend, clap your hands, and wish her the best? Neither one of those reactions is too appealing, nor is watching the girl you love sitting on another guy's lap.
And when he finds out you're not just her friend but also someone she slept with? This guy's going to whisk her away so fast you'll think she's in the witness protection program. You'll never see this girl again, not as long as she's dating her new boyfriend. The friendship you made after breaking up seemed so strong and unbreakable... until she found someone else that she liked better.
Now let's turn the situation around: you meet and date another girl. Do you still stay friends with your exgirlfriend? And if so, do you tell your new love interest that this was once a girl you dated, hung out with, and know so intimately? Chances are she's not going to be too happy about you continuing such a friendship. Which means you'll either do it in secret (which won't exactly feel too legit) or you'll shatter ties with your ex, causing her to be angry at how little you valued being friends with her. Either way, someone's getting hurt.
But okay, enough bad news. Let's look at the good side of things when it comes to your girlfriend wanting to remain friends.
First off, the fact that she still wants you around is a great sign that your ex isn't fully over the relationship. Most girls who are no longer interested in the guy they break up with will make a clean break: in just a few short days there's no more seeing, talking to, emailing, texting you, or any of that stuff. But if your ex asks to stay friendly? She basically wants to keep you "around", just in case she ends up changing her mind about things. It's comfortable to know you're still there for her, and that if she gets lonely enough you're only a phone call away. If your exgirlfriend wants friendship, she also wants a connection - and this can be instrumental in getting your ex back.
So how do you win back an ex girlfriend who just wants to be friends?
The answer to that question is simple in theory, but hard in practice. You need to say no.
When your ex suggests remaining friends, slowly shake your head and wave goodbye. Tell her you don't think it's such a good idea, and then walk away. Your girlfriend dumped you, but she also wanted to keep you on some levels. By refusing that role of half-boyfriend, you're forcing your ex to make a choice: all of you, or none of you. If she wants to move on then she's going to have to do it alone, because you're not going to be there for her. This will make the break up ten times more scary for your ex than if you were still holding her hand through email, phone calls, and the like.
"Let's just be friends" is a demotion, not an honor. Stand up and refuse to accept anything less than the long term relationship you really want with this girl. Don't accept bits and pieces, or table scraps from what could still be a great romance with your ex. If you want your ex back, you need to make the right moves and say the right things - there are paths that lead right back into her heart. Friendship however, is a roadblock along those paths. Push it to the side and continue on.
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