As nice as it sounds, unfortunately any friendship you're trying to keep going with your ex will eventually be doomed to failure. Oh, you could keep it going for a while. It might even work for a year or two. But in the end, there are forces aligning against you... and these forces come from every direction. The reasons you can't be friends with your ex are many, and here are just a few of them:
Your ExGirlfriend Still Loves You - No matter how mutual you think the end of your relationship might be, there's always one person who wants the other one back. Even if it's on some small, tiny little level, one of you is still holding out the hope that you'll one day be back together again. If this person is your ex girlfriend, you're going to end up hurting her. She's hanging on to your past relationship by assuming an innocent friendship role, but secretly she's just waiting for you to ask her back out. No matter what she says, or how cool she might act, eventually you're going to meet someone else and you'll see how jealous your 'friend' will get.
You Still Have Feelings For Her - In the opposite of the above scenario, you may still harbor feelings for your exgirlfriend. Being her friend might sound like a great way to stay close, but in the end you're going to end up having to see her date someone else. Watching this will hurt ten-times more than it would if you'd just broken up completely. The worst part? You have to still play the role of her friend, otherwise you'll lose her completely. Acting like you're happy for her when your ex is dating someone else can be one of the worst feelings in the world.
Your Ex Begins Dating Again - A post-breakup friendship usually works fine... so long as the both of you remain single. But once your ex starts seeing another guy? Things will take a sudden and very rapid turn for the worst. As your ex starts up her new relationship, your good friendship falls by the wayside. You'll see less and less of her. And when you do see your ex? You'll be picturing her with this other guy, which will be like a knife twisting in your back. No matter how much you try to convince yourself you don't have romantic feelings for her anymore, seeing your exgirlfriend kiss another guy is always going to hurt.
And that's not all. Picture this scenario from your exgirlfriend's side of things. She's seeing a new boyfriend, but she can't very well introduce you to her new lover in a friendship type role: "Oh, hey! This is my friend Dave. We used to go out together". As cool as it sounds, that kind of stuff doesn't fly with 99% of the world's dating population. So either she'll try to hide your friendship (which sucks, because you're getting put on the back burner), or she'll try to fit it into the scope of her new relationship... making her new boyfriend extremely jealous. It doesn't really matter how nice a guy you are, he's never going to be a big fan of yours. Eventually, something will have to give - and chances are it'll be your friendship.
You Begin Sleeping With Your Ex Girlfriend - An inevitable byproduct of the post-breakup friendship, the two of you will almost certainly end up sleeping together. It'll start off innocent, maybe you'll get something to eat, rent a movie... the next thing you know it's midnight and you're both rolling around in bed together. Sleeping with an ex is comfortable and easy. You've been together dozens of times before, so what's one more? Besides, you already know each other. It's good for both of you, right?
Right and wrong. While yes, it's good - and yes, it's fun... when you and your ex start sleeping together again it only leads to complications. In short, someone's going to get their feelings hurt. Either she'll care about you just a little bit more than you love her, or vice versa. Eventually, one of you may wind up feeling used. And hey, what happens when one of you begins dating again? Do you just stop having sex, or do you stop hanging out altogether? The complications are many, but they usually happen once one person moves on, leaving the other person hurt and alone.
So can you be friends with your ex girlfriend? Sure, initially. Such a friendship works well for a short period of time, and the familiarity helps keep things very comfortable for both parties. You might even pull it off for a while. But in the end? It seldom works out. You're going to lose the friendship, or you're going to get the friendship taken from you by circumstances beyond your control.
If you're trying to win back your ex-girlfriend, don't substitute friendship for the relationship you really want. Your best bet is to work for it. Start working toward getting your girlfriend back, and take those first steps toward building a new future together. If your ex still loves you on any kind of level, there will still be some room in her heart for you. Seize the opportunity to establish something real, and save the friendship for other people.
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